Six facts about fatherhood from a six-day expert

Posted on Mar 3, 2010 in Life | 8 comments

Though I don’t intend to change the focus of this blog from web development, design, martial arts and language (and some occasional thoughts on life) to parenting or gushing about my daughter, becoming a father has prompted some insights that I wanted to share.

My daughter will be six days old this afternoon. Six days that seem like a year; and I mean that in the best way possible. A year is a long time… think of what goes on in your life in a year. Now, compress that into six days and you’ll have an idea of what it’s been like since our daughter was born. If you are a parent yourself—especially a recent one—you know what I mean. That brings me to the first of six fatherhood facts I want to share:

1. When people ask you if you’re a parent, they’re testing you. It’s not a bad test, or even a judgmental one; they just want to know whether you’re in the club. The club isn’t an exclusive one: more people than not are members. Jackets and ties are not required, but membership does require dues: you must tithe 20-40% of your usual sleep time for the first few years of membership.
2. When people tell an expecting couple “all your perspectives on the world will change,” they are right and you can’t truly understand how right they are. I will provide two examples relative to my interests; yours will differ in details but not in intent.
   • Karate – Tuesday before our baby was born, I stayed home from two hours of karate to be with my very pregnant wife. It was important that I support her and I knew that, yet I was discontent because I was missing out on something I love to do. But missing classes since she was born bothers me as much as missing an appointment for a root canal.
   • Coffee – A few hours upon arriving home from the hospital, after my wife and baby were settled, I pulled a shot of espresso. While it finished pouring, I went to check on them. Staring at my baby daughter’s face occupied me so completely that it wasn’t until an hour later that I noticed the now-cold shot sitting on the machine. I’d actually forgotten about delicious coffee.
   • Today, I still love martial arts and hope to train for a lifetime. And to paraphrase Spock at the end of Star Trek II, coffee “is, and always will be… my friend.” But these and other pursuits are all distant seconds to my baby, who is now in first place.
3. Marketers should not be allowed to use the term “baby soft.” It’s a fact that a baby’s skin (especially cheeks!) is the softest substance on the planet—except maybe for silken tofu, but that stuff is not good. Comparing toilet paper or fabric softener to a baby’s skin is like comparing a hubcap to a flapjack.
4. Alarm clocks should have a “newborn” setting. Forget beeps, never mind “ascending tones,” and the wake up to radio setting? Puh-lease. If you want an effective alarm clock, get one with a newborn’s cry. Heck, not even a real out-loud cry; just one of those tiny baby whimper. They wake you up so fast it’s astounding. Sure, your head may spin and you might feel like a zombie (and a tired zombie at that) but you will be awake.
5. The Boppy is one of the greatest inventions ever. I never thought I’d be excited about a pillow, but I am.
6. Mattresses are nice, but they are an unnecessary convenience for sleeping. This is a corollary  to #4; being woken often makes you tired; being tired allows you to sleep… anywhere, anytime. Besides in a regular bed at night, I can now fall asleep within two minutes flat on the couch or when putting my head down on the kitchen table. Even managed to get a few REM cycles while standing in line at the pharmacy a couple days ago.

There are the first six facts of fatherhood I’ve learned during the first six days of my daughter’s life. I welcome your insights, too: please add them to the comments.

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