Scott Bush

“Of course they don’t!” I hear (sane, normal) people thunder when they read this post’s title. “I agree!” I scream back. That’s how passionate I am about dog clothing. We’ve all seen the dreaded dog sweater, which is horrible (note how most of the dogs are chihuahuas or other miniscule purse-living dogs). Yet, in some sick way I can almost understand how it can be cute or funny or just a way to sell a university logo to alumni with too much disposable income.

But not dog shoes. No. The line must be drawn here.

“Surely you jest!” shout the masses of normal people. “I do not!” Is my reply. Gasps of shock all around as I present… “bark ‘n boots”

I ran into these abominations at a tent sale at a sporting goods store, which I can only hope means they were shunned long enough to be marked down thrice and shuffled off to the parking lot to be sold with the cheap LED camping lanterns no one wanted.

The crux of the issue is this: dogs were wild animals who walked, ran, trotted, and jumped all over the place for thousands of years without the need for gortex and nylon around their paws. I can only imagine the poor dog’s discomfort and annoyance after their misguided master tugged them on. (I wonder if they come with one of those cone-shaped collars vets make dogs wear so they won’t chew on their surgical wounds?) Why in the world would a dog want to wear boots?

Luckily, the geniuses at grip trex anticipated that question and were kind enough to answer it, I’m sure after many doggie focus groups or perhaps canine mind-reading sessions. Here’s a photo, but sadly my camera phone doesn’t capture legible text at that size. Let me summarize: a bunch of marketing speak that points out why these brand of dog shoes are better than others (there are other manufacturers?!). I don’t believe “Seamless construction reduces abrasion and improves fit” is a reason why a (sane) dog would want to wear boots. Sure, these might be the equivalent of Birkenstoks, Crocs, or whatever is considered the most comfortable shoes these days… but guess what? DOGS DON’T WEAR SHOES. It’s like a human buying a feather comb. Best feather comb on the market: all-metal construction, gold-tipped ends, etc. but still pointless… to a human.

I could rant for a while longer about pointless products serving a need that doesn’t exist (this, this, or just about anything else sold in a Skymall catalog) but I know it’s futile. People will still buy crap they think they need.

UPDATE: My friend and dog owner, Eric, has commented and pointed out that sometimes these dog shoes are useful safety accessories. His experience (or, his dog Sam’s experience) is probably the reason this product exists. But I stand by my point about doggie sweaters!